We must not allow other peoples' limited perceptions to define us.
(Virginia Satir)

Today I realized something about myself that for whatever reason, I've never realized before: I need new things, and often. By things I simply mean new 'stimuli'. Which is sort of odd, because I've always hated change -- or more specifically, the bloody pain it requires.

Anyway, today I was thinking about why it is I love to buy things. I've always thought that I've been somewhat addicted to buying things. But I've noticed other things in my life that all point to the same thing: being addicted to newness. For one, I've always wondered why I've never had a job that I've wanted to do for any extended period of time. After a few months, I am always sick of it. The longest job I've held was this past year working for Fort Nelson First Nation. But even with that, by the end, I was ready to get out. So here I've been worried that I am never going to get a job I want to do for a long time. A second problem is how I tend to start things and not finish them, or at least take forever to get through them -- specifically with books. I get book after book and manage to read about half and then go on to the next. Sure, I love the feeling of finishing one, but it's the getting there that is tough. A third is that I have a hard time listening to a CD over and over and over. After about a few weeks, at the most, of obessing over it, I'm ready for a new one. Which is probably why I have so many (though I consider it somewhat of a 'hobby', so I think I'm clear there).

And so today all of this came to mind, and the idea that I am addicted to "Newness" dawned on me. Why in the world has it taken me so long to notice this?!

There are a few concerns I have with this. One, I don't want to be doomed to a life of being unsatisfied. Obviously I won't be able to have a new wife, new kids, a new house whenever I get the itch for more newness. I won't be able to quit whatever career I have when I get bored with it. I won't be able to fit a bajillion unfinished books into my house, either. And I don't want to feel trapped by repitition, which seems like a feeling I may encounter.

Yet it also encourages me; at least, the discovery of this personal quirk does. I think I am less afraid of change, as a whole right now. I also think it may help me control my mini-addictions. If I know that I am simply longing for new 'stimuli', maybe I can divert my attention from ways that may cost money! Like going to the library...

Isn't it funny how sometimes we're just suddenly aware of our little personal idiosyncrasies?

Or is that just me?!

Oh, it is?

How silly.